Table of Contents:

2. Ups and Downs Chapter 1

3. "Pasta Between The Sheets"
a new dish by Chef Bachelor

4. No More Albums
              by: Jason Alan Johnson

6. Scottsdale Douchebags
              by: Lauren Wendt

7. The Charts
Ups and Downs
A story of Alcohol, Drugs, Gambling, & Sex

D. H. Sargent

Based on actual events
August 7, 2006, the day before my 28th birthday, I arrived in Phoenix Arizona.  
Before I left Pittsburgh I owned a luxury car, had a great life, worked with multi-
millionaires, had access to private clubs and a condo in the tropics which I
visited all expenses paid once a year.  

I was unhappy and needed a change in my life, or let me say I needed to do
something crazy.  I never really did anything crazy up until this point of my life. I
was always good or at least gave off that innocent vibe.  I sold my car and all my
possessions most of my friends and family thought I was crazy doing this.  
There were the select few that supported me in this decision and it won’t go
unnoticed.  A wise man said to me before I left “you have balls man!!! I mean I
could never do anything like this sell everything, hop on a plane and move to a
new city.”  I have been told many times in the past two years I have balls.  I will
admit that it is being fearless and not being afraid of death.  

Since it was my life, and I was the only one responsible for my actions, I
thought this was a good idea. I was not married and did not have a family;
honestly I really am not the marrying type. You may know the normal or what in
today’s society seems to be the normal life.  You have a wife, two kids and
maybe a house in the suburbs. The kids go to little league, or whatever they are
interested in, and the parents live vicariously through them.  My idea of normal
is an island paradise, a vineyard in South America and a house in the city
where I grew up.  I should also have a place in New York, a place on the west
coast, and a private jet to make life simple; so there is no waiting in lines,
dealing with security feeling me up or rectal examinations.
...Continues on Page 5
"A remarkable new level of Chauvinism"

The original Chef Bachelor video, "Naked Salmon", continues to be the most
popular release from Art Beyond Video.  
You all should be ashamed of
Not only has it beat ever educational and quality instructional video,
"Chef Bachelor" is the second most common search engine phrase to hit this
Perhaps you are all wondering (as we have for years); how can one man be
this rude and offensive?

Check out:
Chef Bachelor's
Pasta Between the Sheets
Now featured on Art Beyond Video
No More Albums

As of 2006, Tower Records closed many of its
retail stores. Today, its only domestic presence
is on the Internet and a few international stores
remain open. With online music sales climbing
to an estimated 4 billion dollars this year, one
would guess that the other chains will soon
follow the trend.

It is thrilling to imagine 4 billion dollars,
bypassing corporate middlemen, and going
directly in to the pockets of recording artists.
Soon, this will the case.
Online music is expected to consume over 40 percent of worldwide music
sales by 2012. Distributors like
IODA are beginning to focus on independent
recording artists. Independent record sales have climbed to a record 30%
market share in the last three years. Someday soon, the quality of your
recordings could become the primary factor in determining their marketability.

Recording artists are no longer handicapped by the corporate stronghold over
worldwide distribution. The following video explains:

Lack of Cd Sales Video

Now, if they only knew how to produce hits.
-  Jason Alan Johnson
This is what I would call normal, but for
my kind of normal, it means working
harder.  I do not mean physical labor just
use the brain kind of labor.  I have this
saying “everyone has an inner genius
each one of us just needs to find it” I
have no regrets for the actions you will
soon read about.  I honestly do not
regret doing this, as it was an eye
opener and has made me a stronger
individual. Some of the actions were very
therapeutic, especially the sex.  I have to
thank you for the sex, you know who you
are.  I left Pittsburgh hating the city but,
as I look back I had more hatred for
myself.  As I look back on this today
while writing this book I find this
laughable and at the same time very
sad.  As you will read, sometimes
people need to do crazy things in life to
accept a clear grasp on life.  I am one of
those people.

- D. H. Sargent

Copyright 2008 Art Beyond Audio
If you are interested in pre-ordering UPS & DOWNS click on: BOOKS

Your Ad Here
Scottsdale Douchebags

If you are a woman in Scottsdale, Arizona, then you are familiar with
Scottsdale Douchebag. If not, let me explain…

There I sit at this high-end bar, having a drink and waiting for my
girlfriend to arrive. A guy in preppy dress, frosted tips and strong
cologne slides up next to me with a cheesy grin. If it were not for his
appearance and scent, I would expect: “Hello, I’m such-and-such”.
Instead I am met with “I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to
your apartment?” This, my friends, is a douche.

The personality type is so prevalent here in Scottsdale, that it has
inspired a song. A remake of the song Handle Bars, by
Scottsdale Bars, by Blobots describes the looks and general habits of
douche-bagery. The song portrays this kind of male very well. It is
perhaps, the most successful effort to help derail this societal mistake.

Douche-bags dress-to-impress (often coined "metro-sexuals"); and
their lack of self-esteem shines vividly, when they invent some great
profession they do. Perhaps they will think of a famous person they
have met, hoping that this will make you like them. How often do their
tactics work? I am not sure. As long as Scottsdale remains filled with
naive women, they will hunt nightly in packs, looking for a perfect one-
night stand. To the wise; they are merely a fly, a stinky pest, a species
that must go extinct, a douche.   

Following his smooth introduction, I respond with three powerful
words, “Leave Now Douche”. He turns around, gives himself another
hefty dose of cologne and walks away, to continue the search for “a
good time”.  I think, "eventually he will score, he is a 'winner'"; and
whomever he goes home with, will have just met a big douche at the
Scottsdale Bars.
By. Lauren Wendt

For more on the Douchbag, visit (its hilarious!)
This Week - On The Charts

Billboard Hot 100
(Top 5)
#1     Katy Perry
I kissed a girl

#2     Rihanna
Take a bow

#3     Chris Brown

#4     Lil Wayne feat. Static Major

#5     Cold Play
Viva la vida
"Its great to be back doing this, and I am sorry
that we disappeared for so long. We hope that
you have enjoyed the new format, over the old
bulletins. Talking of which, the last bulletin
was sent on May 18th. It is nice to see a
couple new names, on the charts, since then.

Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love seems to have
fallen off. I guess people started to notice how
flat she was. It is a shame that her producer
did not detect and remedy that problem,
although she is so consistently flat throughout
the song, i think it may have been a technical
error. Perhaps what she monitored while
singing it or some, later, dithering mistake.

I see that Lollipop has found its way onto both
lists this week. That song is crap.
Sorry Lil
Wayne, but even the people requesting
Lollipop know that its crap.
Kudos for
catchy-ness though; it has been on the charts
for several months now."

Jason Alan Johnson
#1     Rihanna
Take a bow

#2     Jordin Sparks
No Air

#3     David Banner
Get Like Me

#4     Ne-Yo

#5     Lil Wayne feat. Static Major
Big Champagne
(Top 5 downloads)
Copyright Art Beyond Audio 2008
The Improved

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